Skipping Steps and Diving (back) In.
- At January 16, 2018
- By Morgan Reid
- In Changes, Real Life, Uncategorized, Updates
0
The past 10 months have been some of the hardest of my life and have definitely kept me away from writing on this blog. Even when I could find the words, I didn’t have the time.
So while my methodical way of moving through life would like to start with the posts I wrote before Ember was born – how I was preparing my body for his birth, his sister for the transition from “only” to “big,’ and then after E arrived, his (awesome) birth story — we were hit hard with nursing issues, tongue and lip tie corrections, neurosurgery for craniosynostosis, monthly appointments for helmet therapy, bi-weekly physical and occupational therapy appointments — along with trying to figure out how to love and honor my daughter, Autumn, while stepping into my new role as a mother of two.
It was a catapulting and paralyzing time for me. I wanted everything to stop and yet it felt like I was being hurled through time and space at a break-neck pace. From mid-April to mid-May I cried nearly every day and wondered how long I’d be able to hold off true postpartum depression.
But Ember as reached double digits and we got to turn the page of the calendar to a new year a few days after, there’s been rest and processing, and an unquenchable thirst to return to this blog. My place where I chronicle my family’s stories and moments; where I mush together parts of my brain and heart and mold them into text.
I will write about all that I mentioned, but I think that will be best saved for spring during my recovery from spinal surgery (- yeah, throw a couple unfortunate recommendations for surgery in the past year as well).
For now, I’m taking a hop, skip, and a jump, past those months, telling my usual methods to hush for a bit, and writing this post on the day before my 28th birthday.
My soul needs to hear the rhythmic clicks as my heart, mind, and body release all they’re holding.
::
I told Nathan this morning, “sometimes, I really like our life.”
(It’s amazing what sleep and a few good podcasts can do. — Many other times I’m thinking: “what was I thinking?! This is too hard; I’m not good at this!”).
We’re considering another in-Austin move – but in case it doesn’t pan out, I’ve been trying to make our current situation as good as it can be, and enjoy our life as-is as much as I can.
× The past few days I’ve organized the garage, made comforting winter dishes, found the Mud Stories podcast and became inspired by other women who shared their hard stories and how they can see the ways God-breathed life and meaning into their sorrow, I also found Micha Boyett and I’m excited to read her book as the few things I’ve read from her so far really jive with the conclusions I’ve been coming to on an my evolving faith and a more progressive, mystic, Spirit-filled way of Christianity.
× I’ve really looked into Autumn’s eyes lately when she talks to me, and have made time for just the two of us amidst the “just you and me” and “no daddy, I want mommy to”s — as long as I don’t feel like I’m letting her down, I really relish meeting her needs in this way. It’s my love language and I know I’m giving her exactly what I longed for as a 4 year old. I get to feel like I’m breaking the cycle with each meeting of our eyes, touch of my hand, and minute spent on my lap. Last month I found a lot of freedom and insight through the book Nurture by Nature and I feel like it gave me the permission and grace I needed to step into parenting her in a way that’s better for her, despite the “shoulds” that kept me from doing so in the past.
× Ember’s personality continues to emerge and he’s as kissable as he ever was – and his breath smells so dang good! I’m sure it’s the hormone-maternal connectors inside me – they know what they’re doing. There are so many ways Baby-Ember stands in contrast to Baby-Autumn but now that I realized this is a personality thing, and not a what-am-i-doing-wrong thing, his vocalness has become pretty endearing to me. If the past few months are any indication, he’s going to be the extrovert of the family: getting us out of our home and into the bright, wide world. (read: he loves people and engaging with anything “new.” Whereas Autumn loved her mama and slow/quiet.)
× I cut Nathan’s hair a couple months ago and dared to do the top freehand – and it turned out well, but as it’s grown out, lately it’s pretty incredible. It’s hard to put into words how happy that style makes me. Between that, his sweetness, a reawakened interest in rollerblading, boyish grin, and the comfy winter fabrics the season calls for, he too has become oh-so-huggable. Diving deeper into the Ennegram along with finding answers to some of his questions regarding the Christian faith, (and rest in the uncertainty) as been so good for him. His light-hearted, playful nature is returning and it’s overflowing on to our family and in our relationship.
We speculated (*hoped*) that 10 months would be a corner-turner for our family. We value and recommend attachment parenting; we enjoy those coos and the gloriously plump thighs, but we really suck at the emotions, worry, and exhaustion of the baby year. 1, 2, 3, and 4 — we’ve increasingly enjoyed with Autumn. But with both her and Ember, … well, I guess we just don’t “infant” well.
::
All of this together with really trying to dig into the moments and be present – sparked the joy that bubbled up into my comment to Nate this morning.
So when mid-morning brought the sound of ice and the warmth of fire to our tiny bit of Austin, it felt like the icing was being added to our cake.
And I felt deliriously happy taking it all in, realizing the smile appearing on my face was effortlessly growing.
Morgan (loves to) Reid
Post Script: I can’t close this blog without adding that the undercurrent under the waves and stillness of this past year has been God and me. I can’t really give voice to it yet as I’m still striving to re-engage with the questions/answers/perspectives/uncertain parts of my faith and relationship with Him. I was battling some significant decisions before Ember was born, so in a way, it’s been a year of feeling upended as I try to sort things out, gain a better perspective, and put it all back together again. I feel like there’s still a lot of engagement and reading that needs to occur, followed by even more time to process. Contemplation is such a good practice, and I’m not saying any of this is a bad thing, but I wanted to drop this note since the absence of it would be troublesome to me.
Long Time, No Write.
- At August 15, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Changes, Moving, Updates
0
It has really been 3 months since I last blogged. It’s been hard being away! But at the same time, I want to write from a place of substance and creativity – and I’ve been fresh out of both. It’s been a little more like ‘divide and conquer’ with all we have going on at the Reid Establishment these days.
In the past three months I’ve:
- Bought a house
- Started renovations and organizations of said house
- Found someone to re-lease our apartment to
- Started myofascial release coupled with emotional/spiritual counseling (including all the work that goes along with healing physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Even habitually. Oh, and major breakthroughs! I’ve analyzed my life countless times and a stranger is able to give me amazing insight.)
- Started Christian counseling
- Found a church home in an totally new-to-me form of Christianity (The Anglican Way.)
- Started Catechism classes
- Started attending a women’s group
- Started a system-reset diet that’s the most restrictive of anything we’ve ever done. Think paleo but only 7 fruits, no vinegar, and no tea (*sobs*). I call it the “Worse-than-Whole-30.”
- Along with said diet, I’ve been cooking three meals and a snack from scratch. Every single day. If Nate takes a meal or we eat within the means of the diet at chipotle that takes off a couple meals. But I don’t really like cooking, so it’s a bit of a drain each time and takes a lot of time and attention, with a toddler especially.
- Night weaned my 21 month old. Praise God!
- Participated in a Breastfeeding in public photo shoot for World Breastfeeding Week.
All this on top of going to mom meet ups, cleaning, laundry, and the usual toddler teething/nap refusal/ night wake ups.
I’ve wanted to partake in all of the above for quite some time, but I didn’t imagine it all happening at once. There was so much we had to put off in order to save for a house and I was hesitant to start something I’d have to discontinue if our house ended up being too far away. But here we are. The gate has swung wide open and this horse & jockey is going for it. On the other hand, this structured mama needs life to slooooow down, but we’re making it. This is how it’s panning out and soon (if God wills) I’ll be pregnant and sick and tired most of the day and 9 months later I’ll enter into newborn-toddler-survival-mode.
So truly, now is the time. And even in the chaos, it’s been good. Feels like a big exhale and a splash of fresh water. Nathan just finished setting up my computer this week and so I’m excited to start writing about the above and all the other things that matter to me.
Here we go!
Morgan (loves to) Reid
Our 1st Year in Austin: Part III – The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
- At May 12, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Austin, Reflections, Updates
0
Part I was about missing Ohio, and Part II talked about why we chose Texas. My entire blog catalogs our past year in Austin, Tx, but this post is a quick snapshot into what Austin has to offer: the good, the bad, and the ugly. *Spoiler Alert!: I thank Nathan about once a week for leading us here.*
Read More»Month 2 Update
- At July 04, 2014
- By Morgan Reid
- In Updates
0
If you saw my last post, you know why I haven’t been able to blog a lot this month. But thankfully, even during Nap-agedon, We were still able to grow as people and reach out in Christ.
Socially
-The amount of playdates lessened while we tried to figure out Autumn’s natural sleep time. But we still managed to make some more friends. : D
-Nate and I to a Baby Wearing Meeting, found out there’s an Attachment Parenting group for Dr Who fans and made some friends there too : ) Physically
-The first have of the month, workouts took a total nose dive: all of my spare time was spent reading about infant sleep, trying to get Autumn to sleep, and trying to sleep myself. Ha
-Read Every Body Matters by Gary Thomas and it helped motivate me to get back to it. Along with Dr. Sears’ infant sleep book that was AWESOME and talked about the benefits of working out and sleep for moms that I hadn’t considered.
-Nate took an introductory class on Kung Fu!
-Autumn learned how to crawl! And pull herself up! And take steps while holding our arms! This from the girl who didn’t learn to turn over until she was 6.5 months old! I guess she’s kinda like her mama – nothing and then BAM 😀
Emotionally
-As hard as it was to work on not letting my emotions take over before this month, it was *worlds* harder while struggling with sleep deprivation. I know this will always be a process littlered with ups and downs, but I’m comforted in know that change is happening. And even more comforted knowing that God sees me the way He sees Jesus. (Can we talk about how greatful I am that that’s apart of His plan?)
-My biggest hope right now is to get the point were I don’t become so faint-of-heart while facing a challenge. I’ll never be a “go with the flow” kind of person, but I know as a Believer I have access to Power and victory, and am more than a conqueror.
-The boy in this post y’all.
Spiritually
-Read Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas and it was so good! I love hearing about parenting from the perspective of past Christians during a part of time when they didn’t have as many distractions, but definitely didn’t have more time ( by that I mean, the time that we save by not having to go out and gather eggs, I whittle away on facebook . . . .)
-Looking at Colossians 1:24-29 as if I’m Paul and Autumn is my ministry.
-Digging into how Genesis 3, Matthew 4, and 1 John 2 connect. Seeing how Satan follows a pattern that appeals to our sin nature: Uses our fallen nature to entise us with things we need, but may taken in abudnance or from the wrong places, things we see and strive to taken but aren’t really gifted to us from the Father, and how we use these things or our own ambition to try to impress others.
Kingdom Speaking
-Autumn and I met with the director at a local Pregnancy Crisis Center! I was really worried about how this was going to go (Morgan, are you serious. You can barely see straight some days, why are you adding something else to your plate. You have enough going on right now) – but there’s no harm in trying. And I want to be useful for Him.
Domestic -Alright, I made Juice Kefir (so good and full of probitoics!), Saurkurat (didn’t go well), bone broth in the instant pot for the 1st time (mmmm), and Calendula oil (I am learning so much from this woman’s posts).
Other/Fun
-Have you heard of the store Tree House? We went there on Father’s day and fell in love. Wanted to buy everything, there’s really no point until we have land ; ( But we did pick up some plants for our place : )
And this last one for kicks haha
Happy 4th!
MLTR