Psalm 23, Amplified
- At July 07, 2019
- By Morgan Reid
- In Uncategorized
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After writing out all that I appreciated receiving from my birth mom and two adpotive parents, as well as all the things I yearned for that I felt I didn’t get; acknowledging the ways those longings have continued even as I approach my 30’s — I worked through the questions and ideas that came up.
In trying to figure why I like pictures of homey, meager prepared tables with such intensity, the phrase moved across my memory and moved me with it: “He prepareth a table before me.”
I was struck by how personal, now, that phrase would be for me for the rest of my life.
My adpotive mom had a knitted blue and white blanket with the 23rd Psalm written into it in the King James version of the bible. I love it, though it’s probably the only passage of Scripture that I prefer in the KJV. There was a large staff down the left-hand side and a young lamb laying down in the lower right-hand corner. I’ve always loved that blanket. The fabric felt so good; coarse yet malleable, weighted, but also kind of airy. The words were a comfort to me as, for as long as I can remember, fear has been an deep issue for me.
God and I have very much been reconnecting the past couple months after nearly 2 years of dissonance and disbelief, and more years than that of distance. It was a joy to add to the Psalmist’s words with my own experiential reminders of what is true, what I crave, and all I can receive from a kind and attentive Presence.
Psalm 23
The LORD is my Shepard [guardian]; I shall not want [provided for].
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures [encourages rest], He leadeth me beside still waters [given what I need to fill me], He restoreth my soul [taken care of]: He leadeth me in paths of righteousness for His name sake [guidance and direction in how to move forward and make choices].
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me [protection]; Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me [comfort, ease].
Thou prepareth a table before me [nurtured, thought of, taken care of, welcomed, wanted, valued, worthwhile, encouraged to just ‘be’; invitation to calm, peace, and rest, possible invitation to share my thoughts and heart; enter into conversation and community] in the presence of my enemies [unity, favor].
Thou anointeth my head with oil [soothing remedy; ‘know-how’], my cup runeth over [lacking nothing, given confidence and tools].
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life [assuredness] and I will dwell in the house of the LORD [home, rooted, belonging] forever [permanency, predictability, certainty].
-King David, my words in the “[brackets]”.
::Considering all of these words as a woman, as a creation, as a wife, mom, little girl; with my past, my personality, my defense mechanisms and coping skills; the things I long for, lack, and need.
This doesn’t “fix” my problems, or transform me into someone better able to move through life without falling apart, over-reacting, or assuming the worst. But it fills my mind with considerations, reminders, and pleasant imagery. All of that just might end up transforming me after all.
Morgan (Loves To) Reid
Specific Rest
I’m looking forward to writing another Sensate post in which I can talk about how much closer Jesus feels to me than He did a couple months ago. Through the use of beeswax candles, absolution with a priest, and morning walks, I feel like I can sense Him again.
However this post is more from the fruit of that, which is why I mentioned it.
I was thinking this morning of Matthew 11:28-29
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
I’ve viewed those verses in a very general way: “Jesus acknowledges that life on this earth is hard and He’s saying He’ll lighten the load in someway. How nice of Him.” but after my absolution I’m experiencing this truth in a very different way.
Read More»I Am Christ’s
- At September 29, 2016
- By Morgan Reid
- In Inside My Head
- 0
During a gathering at my church, I heard one of my priest’s share how he crosses himself upon waking and reminds himself that he is Christ’s. I can’t remember his exact words, but it stuck with me, and resonated deeply.
As I struggle with abstract realities, I love finding ways to make the realities of Heaven more concrete (crossing ourselves/using our body in worship) as well as verbal.
1st thing in the AM sounds like a good idea too. In, Switch on Your Brain, Caroline talks about how new nerve cells are birthed in our brain each day – which she mentions sounds like Lamentations 3:22. She goes on to say that we have the option to make these cells healthy and strong – by thinking positive, good thoughts, or damaging and weak (but long lasting) – by thinking unhealthy thoughts.
::
When I first wake up, I’m usually flooded with an “ugh” emotion — I think about the hurdles of the day that need to be dealt with, emotions of things bugging me, etc. It’s not pretty, or uplifting.
Throughout the day, I also tend to think, speak, and live in terms of “the ground” – “What’s reality? What’s the worst thing that could happen? What are the potential problems and pit-falls; how do I prepare for them?” and my ability: “What should I do? How can I fix this? My personality wasn’t made for this. I suck at x; I hate y.”
My step-mother helps reminds me about the power of our tongue/words. I think what she and God have to say can tie in nicely with what my Priest is doing.
So I’m going to try it with some Scripture too.
You know, those verses that leave that “wow” feeling; quickly followed by those too-good-to-be-true/”really, me? No…..” thoughts.
In a way, I’m aiming to put on my fictional pink construction hat and mine these truths deep within so that by the Holy Spirit’s power – I might start believing them in my mind, body, core, spirit; with my thoughts, body language (tense shoulders, tight fists), and face (confused, furrowed brow I often sport). And that my actions (and lack of worry, stress, depression, anger, defeatedness, etc) would start to follow suit to the reality: I’ve been *given* this new Identity, Standing, Position, and Power — I’m just choosing to not live in it.
Almost like instead of being a star, burning brightly with all the energy, will, grace, glory, and blessing God freely provides – I’m going about life as a lump of coal – using my own energy to light a fire in all the wrong ways (see the sad list of actions placed in the previous paragraph),
So, yesterday and today, I started compiling a list of Scripture to start saying throughout the day, especially upon waking:
I Am Christ’s
I am Christ’s
No weapon formed against me can prosper.
I am Christ’s
I stand victorious; a conqueror, an overcomer.
I am Christ’s
He gently leads me as a shepherd leading a mother sheep.
I am Christ’s
I have every spiritual blessing; I’m equipped with all that I need spiritually.
I am Christ’s
I’m alive and complete in Christ; brought into the Fullness of the Trinity.
I am Christ’s
United with Him in one spirit.
I am Christ’s
I have the mind of Christ.
I am Christ’s
I have been raised with Christ; I’m hidden with Him in God.
I am Christ’s
I am rooted, anchored, and held together in Him.
I am Christ’s
I am a royal priesthood; a people of His very own.
I am Christ’s
God’s will and energy work powerfully in me.
And of course, an accompanying YouTube and Spotify playlist. More songs to come (I’d love your In Christ suggestions!): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC-SEZj7yG_jqJbNBlVR7Sezt3UCSmfcA
Morgan (loves to) Reid
Familiar Crossing +
- At February 18, 2016
- By Morgan Reid
- In Inside My Head
- 0
{Originally Written 2.17.15}
My post last week continues to ring true, however, there’s a purer truth, rooted more in reality that I was reminded of that night, hours after I posted:
On my way home from a Gardeners Meetup, I had to stop at a gas station on the way home. Pulling into a new place on a dark night, I crossed myself.
It’s a really common thing for me actually – I’ve done it occasionally throughout my life, way before I knew about Anglicansim: Once when I was 9, I did it right before going down the “black slide” at Pioneer Waterland and it helped me feel safe. My family didn’t like Catholicism, and even though I was a traditional “good-girl”, doing it was one thing I wanted to keep, wrong or right.
When I posted “Cryptic” I was in a really low place. Actually, for a couple weeks leading up to it, I was entering into uncharted head-space for God and I. I think the quickest way to describe it was that I was fed up with struggling against some of my past demons in the present, especially knowing God could help, but “wasn’t.” I was mad at Him and ready to give up on hoping He’d come through and change anything about me or my situation. Up to this point in my life, I really had refused to think bad of God. That’s not to say I didn’t question and doubt, but there was never a sinister feeling towards Him – He was worthy, and I respected that. I didn’t want to question His goodness in such a way because it felt so unsafe and I didn’t want to hurt Him after all He’d done for me. But walking in this particular valley, I was in a low point and didn’t have the desire to pull myself out.
So that night, when I absent minded crossed myself, – the habitual motion, rooted in something concrete, offered me an anchor back to God that wasn’t dependent on me having a healthy thought life. It felt grounding for my body and soul when my mind was drifting in a dark sea.
I breathed deeply and felt settled deep down. There is still a lot to walk through, and I have no notions of how or when the tides are going to turn and resend, but God is going to come through for me. He was alive and active in my life.
When my thought life wasn’t ready to acknowledge that, my muscle memory pointed to Truth for it.
Morgan (loves to) Reid
Limping Despair
- At October 30, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Ordinary Radical
- 0
So often, I feel selfish – even wrong – for getting to be a Christian in America. I don’t have to cling to Jesus the way those dire or horrific situations have to. Surrounded by earthly comforts and distractions, I have “plenty” in my hands, filling my thoughts. Except when it comes to my emotions – how I feel about myself and how I feel others feel towards me.
Jesus is about getting to the heart of the matter. He asked the rich man to lay down his riches, the son to forgo burying his father, Martha to laid down her desire for control and work, and simply rest. Without comparing my problems with the awful plight of the suffering, my emotional attachments to myself and other people are enslaving. He’s gently prying away at that root in my heart.
Tethered: Though I Fail
- At February 15, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Reflections
- 0
{My thoughts after reading Chapter 3 of Tim Keller’s King’s Cross}
Keller shared a story from C.S. Lewis’ The Voyage of the Dawn Treader where Eustance, a little boy who is turned into a dragon by his greed and meanness needs the help of Alsan, the Lion, to turn into a boy again:
Read More»October Recap
- At November 08, 2014
- By Morgan Reid
- In Autumn, Moving
- 0
I’ve really hated not getting to blog as much but this month has been a BLUR.
:: Housing
We found an awesome piece of land, below budget, 10 acres, dirt road, 30 minutes from Austin, awesome kitchen.
Our offer was accepted and, unlike the 1st house we tried for, it pasted inspection! We got amazing financing (a competing company said there was “no way they could be offering that” )and then . . . after a week of asking the listing agent finally sent us the deed restrictions. Besides cattle, horses, and common house pets, no other animals we allowed unless someone “under the age of is a bona-fide 4-H member or a member of the FFA.”
So no chickens. No guineas. No goats.
ON TEN ACRES ON A DIRT ROAD! -_- I couldn’t believe it. (What gives someone the right to say what a person after them can do with the land they own? America??!)
So then it was a rush to find another apartment because our lease was ending and our current place didn’t offer short-term leases. We’re still open to buying a house and didn’t want to be locked in for another year.
Then, packing and moving again. *UGH*
Tethered: Winter Lately
- At October 18, 2014
- By Morgan Reid
- In Reflections
- 0
These past few days have been really hard emotionally. On top of a rough couple of months. So much uncertainty, I’m feeling tossed and turned by these waves and I kind of just want to start sinking. At least it’ll be calm under the surface, right?
so I kind of feel like I’m floating. Floating in identity and culture.
The thing about being counter-cultural is that you’re always swimming against the current. & it’s exhausting.
the thing about me is that I always swim too deep, and way too fast. I emerse myself, passionately; fiercely, and when the tides turn and it all becomes too much, I feel like if I don’t do something soon I’m going to drown. Go down with the cause; and broken hopes.
So I just stop. I stop fighting, stop swimming, and just float. Who cares that this current is sweeping? I’m just trying to keep my head back and my nose up. Just get by.
Down stream I go.
Read More»