Familiar Crossing +
- At February 18, 2016
- By Morgan Reid
- In Inside My Head
0
{Originally Written 2.17.15}
My post last week continues to ring true, however, there’s a purer truth, rooted more in reality that I was reminded of that night, hours after I posted:
On my way home from a Gardeners Meetup, I had to stop at a gas station on the way home. Pulling into a new place on a dark night, I crossed myself.
It’s a really common thing for me actually – I’ve done it occasionally throughout my life, way before I knew about Anglicansim: Once when I was 9, I did it right before going down the “black slide” at Pioneer Waterland and it helped me feel safe. My family didn’t like Catholicism, and even though I was a traditional “good-girl”, doing it was one thing I wanted to keep, wrong or right.
When I posted “Cryptic” I was in a really low place. Actually, for a couple weeks leading up to it, I was entering into uncharted head-space for God and I. I think the quickest way to describe it was that I was fed up with struggling against some of my past demons in the present, especially knowing God could help, but “wasn’t.” I was mad at Him and ready to give up on hoping He’d come through and change anything about me or my situation. Up to this point in my life, I really had refused to think bad of God. That’s not to say I didn’t question and doubt, but there was never a sinister feeling towards Him – He was worthy, and I respected that. I didn’t want to question His goodness in such a way because it felt so unsafe and I didn’t want to hurt Him after all He’d done for me. But walking in this particular valley, I was in a low point and didn’t have the desire to pull myself out.
So that night, when I absent minded crossed myself, – the habitual motion, rooted in something concrete, offered me an anchor back to God that wasn’t dependent on me having a healthy thought life. It felt grounding for my body and soul when my mind was drifting in a dark sea.
I breathed deeply and felt settled deep down. There is still a lot to walk through, and I have no notions of how or when the tides are going to turn and resend, but God is going to come through for me. He was alive and active in my life.
When my thought life wasn’t ready to acknowledge that, my muscle memory pointed to Truth for it.
Morgan (loves to) Reid
Keep Writing, Documenting, Expressing.
- At January 09, 2016
- By Morgan Reid
- In Showing Up
- 0
I comment on a post by Jen Hatmaker on the refugee crisis with a caption to one of my Instagram pictures and the response was beautiful and encouraging. Comment after comment stating that I “so eloquently wrote” what was on their hearts, and even some where they wished we lived close by and could grab a cup of coffee together. (#Eeep!) It was shared multiple times and I received 7 or 8 friend requests.
Man, I was so encouraged that day. I hope to keep it as a reminder that the things on my heart are worth sharing, worth writing about, and worth starting a conversation over. Some days it’s lonely, and the response is silence, but that day in November – 623 people were helped and encouraged in some way by something that I had to get out.
And 623 people helped and encouraged me at the same time.
Read More»Embracing WHAT?!
- At October 30, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Showing Up
- 0
{Originally written 10.28.15 in my journal. Some editing happened today, too.}
Today was ROUGH. I broke Nate’s iPad for the 3RD(!) time in a year (in my defense, divided attention between it and Autumn was involved in every case) and a little later I saw something that just about gutted me on the inside.
While I’m omitting some details for privacy, here’s the rest after a lot of wrestling with God and whilst trying to keep a toddler loved and relatively happy:
So I cried and felt like I was in a tailspin for a good part of the afternoon. I even despaired – I’ve been doing so much “work” trying to reorient myself with Christ and then my reaction to this shows me that it might not be worth it anyway- Am I changing at all?
I begged Him to meet me. To break through this time. I know that my part was to expect Him to – which was so hard with how bleak I was feeling at the time. But I prayed “I believe – help my disbelief”.
Then I grabbed my MSG bible and read Psalms 147 (hard to do with a toddler around, I’m sayin’.) — nothing. Ok, let’s think of something else. What’s the ultimate problem here? My identity is deeply rooted in this. It’s supposed to be rooted in the “message of Christ” dwelling “richly” within me Col 3. So I headed to Col 3:1-17 and a first, it didn’t seem to helpful either. Almost more “work” for me to do. But as I kept on I felt the ice pick cracking at my heart. I want indifference towards this situation, but on my own, the only way to move away from wanting too much love from people, is to hate and embitter myself towards them instead. But like a volcano that’s lava was finally erupting, I could chose to let it flow and harden into something dark and dry, or I could allow God to guide the spillage away from my erupting volcano-heart and fill it with Himself instead.
I hate wordy stuff like that. I need practical, not abstract fluff. So let me clarify by adding: by this I mean, I felt God moving me towards the new identity He has for me.
My favorite term for Christians in the bible is “ a royal priesthood.” I’ve liked it since I was 13 years old and 1 Peter was my book to memorize in Bible Quizzing, but lately, I’ve secretly wished I could go to seminary someday – being a Royal Priesthood makes me feel like – it’s not so exclusive with who I am right now.
So I tried “contemplating” what that looks like for me.
I have struggled with contemplation my whole life but I’ve been trying to heal that part of my life and thinking since learning about its importance in our walk with Christ since becoming Anglican. Where I came up short, God made up my lack in leaps and bounds. The details are too personal to share in a post (at least at this time, maybe one day) but wow. Wow!
One thing I can share is this: Africa.
Or maybe better put, “African.”
It’s 5am and I’m feeling much better – but Autumn tends to wake for a feeding around this time so I’ll leave the rest for the next post.
Cheers!
Morgan (Loves To) Reid
I loved this night.
Last night was one of those spontaneous amazingly wonderful soak-it-all-up nights and I wanted to make sure to document it for review on one of the less stellar nights ::
The weather was perfect: fresh, awakening breezes; light rain on and off; cool, but still plenty warm. We were hoping to sow some ground cover or at least prepare the ground, but decided to enjoy the weather instead of fight the rain.
Autumn assisting with sharpening the grub hoe.
a very romantic washing machine for a background : )
Our 1st Year in Austin: Part III – The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
- At May 12, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Austin, Reflections, Updates
- 0
Part I was about missing Ohio, and Part II talked about why we chose Texas. My entire blog catalogs our past year in Austin, Tx, but this post is a quick snapshot into what Austin has to offer: the good, the bad, and the ugly. *Spoiler Alert!: I thank Nathan about once a week for leading us here.*
Dear Autumn: As much as I can have
- At April 13, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Autumn
- 1
My last facebook status:
“Autumn’s been doing this thing where, while nursing, she loops her little arm around my neck, uses her chubby hand to pull my head to hers, and leaves her arm there contentedly. I’m starting to think it’s her happy place.
Not the most comfortable position for me, but I melt every. time.”
This has been so incredibly sweet. If I tried to put words to how it makes me feel, they’d fall embarrassingly short. I’m picturing those 90’s shows where – back when people wrote each other with pen and paper – the guy would be at this desk, crumbled paper all around, earnestly trying to get his feelings out. I’m surrounded my theoretical crumbled paper.
Read More»Dear Autumn: Coloring Expectations
- At January 31, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Autumn
- 0
We had a rough night.
So the next day — we colored!
Struggling Wife, I see You
- At January 31, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Nathan
- 0
Last week, my husband brought me a shake. Awesome in itself, but it goes deeper for Nate and I.
Read More»
HTTSS:F – 1.13.15
- At January 14, 2015
- By Morgan Reid
- In Reflections
- 0
Learning more about myself has helped me to realize just how big of a role the 5 senses play in my life. After reading this, I’ve been checking in with myself to savor life’s moments while they’re happening and it’s been so rewarding. I thought I’d share them here from time to time.
hear: gravel crunching under my feet, cars rumbling, birds chirping
taste: nothing
touch: my 5fingers, warm soft wool around my neck and chin, the stoller’s grippy handles under my fingers; under my palms through my gloves, my body’s heat despite the cold
smell: brilliantly cold, clean air. the kind you only get in january
see: green everywhere. in january. leaves, grass, bushes and flowers. thank you jesus and texas. a dog an it’ owner playing fetch, autumn ahead of me in the stroller, taking it all in
how it makes me FEEL: Alive. Like life all around me is waking up. Like embracing the cold and grey is such a worth-while undertaking because God designed this season for a reason. I’m truly learning to love January.
*
hear: chains rhythmically clanking, autumn’s short heavy breaths
taste: nothing
touch: chains through my gloves, her body sinking; pressing into me, wind hitting my face, strong leather holding me up,
smell: that crisp, cold wind. Aututmn’s hair pressing into my nose – smells like clouds and waterfalls – they don’t really have a scent to them, but really, they do.
see: enchanted-looking trees, green, a path, mulch and dirt. her aqua hoodie and maroon pants
how it makes me FEEL: sunken into wonder. I could have missed this. It feels like a Mother-Daughter moment captured, secured and wrapped in January. The clinking chains back-and-forth, the snugness of gloves and scarfs, her. I hope I remember it forever.
Morgan (loves to) Reid
[* orignially written 1.13.15]
Warm and Sunggly
- At December 21, 2014
- By Morgan Reid
- In Real Life
- 0
Yesterday I asked Nathan what “draws” him to me. I asked him to not think too hard about it, just what comes to mind as the factor(s) that pull him.
I asked these questions periodically. With our personalities being different in many ways, I often wonder what he sees in me.
He’s super intelligent and I’m . . . common sense.
He’s curious and inquisitive and I’m . . . gullible and much less curious.
He’s patient and I’m . . . not.
The list goes on.
His answer?
“Your warm and snuggly. Not just right now (we were cuddling at the moment) but your personality is very warm; you’re the kind of person I’d want to snuggle with.”
Just wanted to make note of that. : )
Morgan (loves to) Reid
